What-ifs: a poem

I find myself an island

shopping mainland dreams

My heart's desire to wander

Must first find home it seems.

Wading for contentment

amidst ankle-biting thieves,

Who steal the once excitement

With their voyage stealing schemes.

Trudging over landscapes

fraught with thoughts I cannot tame-

Searching for now contentment

While thoughts of next remain.

Oh, to be a Captain, sailing through the calmest seas

without a storm to weather

or a crew I must appease.

To glide across the ocean

salt and wind within in my hair-

To breathe with safe assurance

that my map will guide me there.

Instead I find I question

every maybe

every hope

Doubting that my footsteps 

will be steady on the slope.

Perhaps the route I've taken

will be bumpy

will be bold,

My passport now lies open

The untold country to behold.

The crossroad is in the distance

and yet my trip delayed,

Sleepless desperation

spotlights decisions to be made.

Perhaps there is a glimmer, on the horizon of my heart:

Today is it's own journey

It's own adventure I should start.

So should I slip and stumble

on the gravel of right now,

I'll lean into the promise

of his partnership and vow.

For on this trek I'm choosing 

never have I been alone,

I have a travel-partner

and in him

I have a home.

-Melissa Johnson, January 27, 2024